Monday, April 19, 2010
Holding back hurts...
Written : 18 July 2009
What the hell are you doing inside a relationship when you’re just too scared to get hurt? Unfair lang yun sa next partner mo. And I mean it! Pwede ring “unpair” (meaning hindi match)... If you’re going to “nurse” your wounded, open-stabbed heart, make sure you are not in a commitment because believe me, no matter how you keep on denying it perhaps unconsciously, you’ll be too blind and insensitive making yourself selfish and too harsh and careless (whisper) on your mate’s feelings.
They say the easiest way to get over someone is to love another. An old adage I have learned to disagree upon! Ooops, don’t get me wrong. This girl’s not saying that you have to imprison yourself with the past, or focus on what has long been gone. What I’m just trying to pinpoint here is that open new possibilities, extend boundaries, enjoy life, but don’t enter another relationship, at least not very soon… Sometimes driving too fast might hurt you more than you could ever imagined...(What’s worse, you worn out your seatbelt!) And never open reasons for you to hurt somebody by making yourself believe that you’ve already moved on and time to have a new partner (hayyy, rebound). At the end of the night, you’ll just fall asleep without even realizing the truth. (and sino niloko mo? Loser!)
I have this special bond with someone so held back (not brokeback ah.. ) I always have to tell him what to do, what a girl wants, what a girl needs, (whatever makes me happy sets you free, ika nga ni Christina Aguilera..) and what’s so annoying is that I know he pretty much know what to do. He just refuses doing it.. And I think I knew the answer.. “He’s just not ready yet to fall in the bait of that thing called “love” where he was once trapped in…” Ouch!! Have you ever had a partner who never really know how to fight for what he feels? While you’re a one careless bloody injured fellow who keeps on fighting against the rages of everything and everyone, there he goes, trying to stay composed and didn’t really care how much you’ve hurt. All he cares for is his “heart well hidden and his undemolished ego”. Sounds bitter ah!
You know how you hurt people by not giving your 100%. Especially when your partner does and of course, he/she expects to receive the same amount of love from you, too. In love, non-negotiable ang 01-99%. Always everything, always what you can at your best, and not just what you can as of this moment. Love is not just a mere learning process. It’s a feeling, an emotion. It’s not something to be trained, nor something to be taught of. It may be expanded progressively or regressively but should be felt at hand. Now, if you think you’re still not that courageous enough to give your “all” without an assurance that you can receive something closer to what you’ve given and what you know you can still give, maybe you should think twice before tarnishing a possible harmonious relationship. Before it gets too worse and the next thing you know, you’re already ruining not just a probable perfect partnership, but an almost-prefect partner, as well.
Eveything in life is a choice. Whether you stay it kept to yourself or easily let go.. It’s your call. Minsan kasi, not giving everything to your partner has a very deep, excruciating reason behind. Rather than risk what we already have for something greater, we are trying to fit in to what’s constant, we tend to be contented with certainty in fear of making a wrong choice, and so we prefer to be safe. “Comfort zone” ang tawag dun. But you know guys, you have to realize that change is inevitable. And the thing to be changed is not the actual and only option you can make. Not changing at all is already a choice, a more risky one. Fear is everywhere and being spared from the pain by depriving yourself of your “absolute right” to be happy is much painful. It is never a mistake to try entering another relationship (as all of us hope for a newer, fresher and better love story after a messed up one). But not until you can give your whole heart and mind into it. Not until you’re prepared to relinquish every part of you without even having a single amount of panic that you might not be compensated enough, or might lose everything you’ve invested in just a blast. However, you still have a choice. If you think you can’t do all the necessary requirements in entering a new relationship, then DON’T. If something whispers within you everytime you try to hold somebody’s hand, or in the attempt of saying those three magical words I-LOVE-YOU, by all means, DON’T. If you’re not yet generous enough to give all that is needed to make your partner happy and satisfied, DON’T.
When all of those holding back points to a particular direction and warnings seems to be clearer than crystal, it only summarizes one thing; THINGS ARE NOT YET READY. And the million dollar question on how you can identify if the healing process had arrived safe to its finish line? Maybe that four-letter word significant element of life can tell… and it spelled T-I-M-E…
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