A Reverie

Written : 01 June 2008

Last night, I dreamt I got sick…

I was bed-ridden for an accident I can’t even recall had happened once in me.… Worse than ever, pain is excruciating that I can’t move any part of my body. To shift my lips is an agony and to stand up is like a death for me. Even smile refused to visit me… My condition was a doomsday, hopeless. I was a picture of a complete melancholy. A woman in absolute misery.
Every single individual in the family gave up on persuading me. They got tired of offering hopes or perhaps just simply running out of it, too. I hardly recognize them either for even memory ran away from me. Nothing’s left for a deprived girl like me. Everything has gone. Each night I only pray for one thing - for all of these to just stop in a blast, that in a snap of a finger everything will be vanished, and I will be gratefully happy to evaporate in the air. But God seems to be really punishing me. He wanted me to suffer by never granting my request. So day by day I live life longer and longer, and more torturing than ever. If only God would take away my breath soon, I’d be the happiest person to die. And I will even celebrate with joy in front of my death...

Family nor friends were not welcome in my place. I never want anyone to see me like this. I don’t wanna even see my own self in the first place. People began to get scared of me and the whole world suddenly just hates me. Perhaps they fervently wish that I never existed, literally, at all.

Until one day…

One moment I never thought would still happen. A man came to my door. It was a soft noise coming from a man, simply well-dressed, modest and humble-looking. He arrived silent but his presence astounded me. I’ve been staring at him as he entered the door. It’s as if I knew him for a long time, as if he became a huge part of my life. Watching him slowly pulling out things inside his bag sluggishly wonders me.. What he’s doing annoys me and at one fell swoop, panic me. Feels like I’m a criminal waiting for the final verdict. From afar, I’ve been magnifying every single detail of him, trying to wake up my long dead memory. The first few items were just ordinary papers, hand-written legibly. Then without saying word, he handed me those papers giving a sign to read them. I can’t say "no" as if I was hypnotized.

The opening line was enormously unfamiliar to me. I told him what’s his point of all these mess and waste of time? Again, he awarded me a signal to continue reading… Then, the last part of the letter had given me a bit of a reminiscence. It was like my words… He still allowed me to study those other paraphernalia. It was really hard for I never had an idea what his intentions were. Where did he get his guts to go there where everybody else never dare to? Little by little I’m looking at him not by my eyes for I really can’t identify him visually, but by heart. Eyes can reject things to see, but heart never refuses to feel… And could he be someone special???

Gradually, I’m beginning to recall the words. Each single sentence seems to connote something extraordinary. Every line appears to have their own story to tell. It started to make me believe but still don’t want to convince myself that it’s true… That someone really had become brave and patiently helped me to reflex my memory for the first time since I got sick.

He ended the puzzle by putting out something really believable and convincing, and real… A colored pictures of me with him… At last, he opened his lips. He started enlightening me by memory. He’s telling it by details like a mother telling fairy tale stories to her child. I was really amused on how he remembered all of that.

Finally, I was awaken by the fact that love shakes the memory surprisingly. That heart, no matter how long it had been dormant, can move the mind and stimulate the mentality of a person. And no doubt that he is the one I have loved before even if I can’t remember anything, and still loving him although I forgot how to love again, and will continue to love him for no matter how clueless my mind can be, my heart will surely commit to memory who it wants to be with…